Posts Tagged ‘teenagers’


If I had to describe myself I would say I was thoughtful, kind, generous, fun-loving, have a great sense of humor, boisterous, OCD ish, passionate, well meaning and a heart that truly seeks after God.  I am working very hard at using good words here…lol.  I am very hard on myself and I don’t usually have much grace to hand to me.  I can hand it out all day to everyone else, but not myself!!  I just have very high expectations for myself and I usually don’t reach them!  The sad thing is, in all my efforts, I still seem to rub people the wrong way :/.  Try as i might, I can set out to prove to someone I Love them and, before I know it, they think I hate them.   This has actually happened…twice!!!  Weird.

Every time something goes awry, I will go before The Lord and really take a good look at what happened and why.   In most cases, if not all, I never saw it coming.  This is probably what throws me the most.  Why didn’t I see it coming?!??!  What did I miss?!?!?  I cannot even count how many times I have been misunderstood or misquoted or my intentions taken wrong.  Many people will say that if it keeps happening to one person, maybe it’s that person that is the issue.  I can’t say I disagree either.  Which is why I try to figure out what I did or am doing!!!  I just can’t seem to nail it down and it really frustrates me because I would like to stop doing whatever it is that I am doing wrong.

Here is one example:  We started a church plant with a guy who was very good at preaching.  We thought his heart was genuine and my husband was excited about joining his ministry.  I wasn’t but I didn’t want to hold him back so I supported the move.  In the beginning the Pastor met with us and said that he was so excited to have us on board because I had a past that would contribute to the city people we were going to be reaching out to (I came from a hard core family and ended up on the streets before I was saved) and he felt that I would be a valuable voice in the mix.  We became the youth group leaders and began the journey into “saving the city”.  We gave all we could give to this ministry but found ourselves very frustrated by some actions and decisions the Pastor was making.  We would very respectfully talk about it and would choose to support him when he would give his reasoning, although we did not always agree with him.  After about 6 months we decided to meet with him to talk about some difficulties we were having with the ministry as it was not growing and the direction had taken a severe turn from our original discussions.  We met in a restaurant with he, his wife, my husband and myself.  Our only goal was to talk things out, get some direction, and try to understand where the ministry was headed.  About 10 minutes into the conversation, the Pastor began to say things that were totally out of the blue.  By the end of the 20 minute conversation, I had been called an unsubmissive wife, unstable, emotional, and accused of lying!!!  The attack on my character was so bad that my husband, who has a great respect for people and rarely speaks against anyone, took a stand and told him that if he did not stop speaking to me in the manner he was that we were going to leave.  The Pastor refused and we left both the restaurant and the church.

As I recall that night now I can see it for what it was:  A very old fashioned person who could not reconcile my personality with his legalistic beliefs.  However, at that time, I was deeply crushed and devastated.  As we drove home I was an emotional mess, crying my eyes out,  and I looked to my husband and I asked him to please be gut wrenching honest with me.  Did he think I was all the things the Pastor was saying about me?  He looked me straight in the eye and said absolutely not.  He went back over every situation the Pastor had brought up and reminded me that he was present  and that he saw how things had been twisted and turned against me.  He knew I hadn’t lied because he was there!!!  The interesting thing is this.  My husband was there in almost every instance that was brought up and we had made certain decisions together, but , I was the one who was targeted as the bad person, not him.  He was the youth leader, I was the assistant but everything fell on me!!   Weird.

As I moved through the next few months I struggled with this attack because I had set out to Love the youth kids, his daughter included, support the ministry, and see God move on our city.  In the end, the pastor’s daughter was the one who lied about my words and my actions, the ministry was not furthered, and the city didn’t even know we were there.  What did I do in those six months that I didn’t realize I was doing?!?!  What made the Pastor go from being so happy to have me on board to judging me so badly he didn’t even know the real me??!!  Even as I write this I am trying to think of what I did but all I can come up with is that maybe I was just too honest.  If you ask me a question, I am going to answer you with complete honesty.  That Pastor asked me what I thought quite a bit and, apparently, he wasn’t liking my answers.  I don’t know, still haven’t fully figured it out but I have since laid it all on God’s Throne and moved on with my life gleaning what lessons I needed to learn.  In fact, I haven’t even thought about this in a few years but it is a great example of what I mean when I say I wish I could see what I am doing because I am often misunderstood.

My husband once said to me: “You are an easy person to judge because you put yourself out there.  Most people won’t do that and so they don’t get attention.  Unfortunately, the attention you get is not always good.  But don’t change because I Love that about you.”  That’s enough for me.  If he Loves me this way, then I’m all good.  Mostly :).

I still go to God every day and lay my heart, mind, spirit and soul out before Him, asking Him to search me and know my heart, to test me and know my anxious thoughts, to see if there is any offensive way in me and change me.  I will continue to do this and hope that people who put themselves out there be given more grace, more understanding, the benefit of the doubt, and loved just as they are.  We ARE easy to judge.  But that doesn’t make it right for us to BE judged.  God made us who we are and, just like everyone else, we have a right to be free in who we are :).  So the next time you are tempted to judge someone, please remember that they are who God made them and your perspective is not necessarily the correct one.  View all people through God’s eyes and funnel your thoughts through Him first.  He might even show you something about them that you would never have seen without His assistance.  Let’s Love one another unconditionally and leave the judging out of the equation!!!


Again-st thu Flo

Everyone around me is walking the other way

Seldom is it crowded in the direction I have chosen

    Some laugh when they walk past me

Others look with mockery and quicken their pace


A stand out in the midst of a growing, bitter crowd

More and more, the focus of their hurt and anger


At times my confidence is much like stone

Other moments find my resolve easily shaken


The knowledge of His sacrifice propels me forward

The weakness of my flesh slows me down


His forgiveness clearing the clutter in my heart

My sin challenging the purifying process


Whatever may come, I will continue on this unpopular path

No matter the obstacles, I will keep walking against the flow


For when I look behind to see who they are following…

No one is there

But when I look ahead at Who I am following…

It is He Who leads me forward


Thu Misseeng Lynk

No, I’m not talking about the whole creation/evolution thing…lol! I am actually talking about something much more complicated!!! The missing link between parents and teenagers. It’s like there are two different languages and no translator to bridge them. I, as a parent, haven’t figured it all out and by the time I do, they will all be grown and out of the house….hah!

I do have a pretty healthy relationship with them even though we still have some very rough moments. My biggest goal is to figure out how to “communicate” on their level without “getting” on their level.

I think the biggest mistake I see right now is that we, as parents, think we have been through everything they are going through. The truth is, we haven’t gone through anything close to what these kids are going through today. The times are completely different now than when we were teenagers. Yes, we had our crap and our issues, but those things are about 100 times worse now than they were then.

I try to bridge my experiences with what the kids are experiencing now. It is not always easy either. I want to think that I understand what they are feeling and what they are going through but I am not there walking through the school hallways with them seeing what they are seeing, feeling what they are feeling, hearing what they are hearing and dealing with what they are dealing with. I just get them when they come home and try to listen to them, hear what they are truly saying, understand as much as I can, Love them as much as I can Love them, and try to pass on whatever wisdom I have to pass on.

The most important thing I can do for them is pray. Not just for them, but for me. Pray that God would give me His wisdom because mine is far from enough. Prov 3 says “Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear God and shun evil.” Our own wisdom is not enough to carry us through this parenting thing, we NEED God more than we can possibly know! And as for you teens, give us a break! Lol! We have never done this before and we are doing the best we can. We are not perfect and we know how much we can’t do this on our own. Be patient with us when we think we understand and we don’t. Respect us when you don’t agree with us but have to do what we say. Honor us when we ask you not to do something that you think you can handle. Receive us when we reach out to Love you and pray for us when you just can’t handle what we are putting you through :).

Jeremiah 29:12 says “Then you will come and pray to me and I will listen…” God will speak to us and to you if we are all seeking Him and truly listening to what He has to say to us.

I still don’t know how to get parents and teenagers to talk, like the title says… it’s the missing link. I can only pray that parents and teens alike can start to try and understand one another and take time to truly listen to what each is saying.

Teens, parents have lots and lots of wisdom to pass on to you. Parents, we have a lot to learn about today’s world that our teens are living in and give them a lot more credit for who they are than what we currently do. Teens, you need to trust us as parents that for the most part, we really do know what is best for you. Parents, we need to start listening before we get angry, correct, or discipline our kids. They are doing so much better than most kids who are not Christians. They are growing up and we need to loose control over them, not lose control over them. They are brighter, smarter, and wiser now and we need to give them the respect of listening to what they have to say as well.

Most importantly, we all need to be close to Christ, listening and seeking His wisdom and His will for all our lives. HE is the missing link that can bridge us together.

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