Archive for Reel Parenteeng

Thu Misseeng Lynk

No, I’m not talking about the whole creation/evolution thing…lol! I am actually talking about something much more complicated!!! The missing link between parents and teenagers. It’s like there are two different languages and no translator to bridge them. I, as a parent, haven’t figured it all out and by the time I do, they will all be grown and out of the house….hah!

I do have a pretty healthy relationship with them even though we still have some very rough moments. My biggest goal is to figure out how to “communicate” on their level without “getting” on their level.

I think the biggest mistake I see right now is that we, as parents, think we have been through everything they are going through. The truth is, we haven’t gone through anything close to what these kids are going through today. The times are completely different now than when we were teenagers. Yes, we had our crap and our issues, but those things are about 100 times worse now than they were then.

I try to bridge my experiences with what the kids are experiencing now. It is not always easy either. I want to think that I understand what they are feeling and what they are going through but I am not there walking through the school hallways with them seeing what they are seeing, feeling what they are feeling, hearing what they are hearing and dealing with what they are dealing with. I just get them when they come home and try to listen to them, hear what they are truly saying, understand as much as I can, Love them as much as I can Love them, and try to pass on whatever wisdom I have to pass on.

The most important thing I can do for them is pray. Not just for them, but for me. Pray that God would give me His wisdom because mine is far from enough. Prov 3 says “Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear God and shun evil.” Our own wisdom is not enough to carry us through this parenting thing, we NEED God more than we can possibly know! And as for you teens, give us a break! Lol! We have never done this before and we are doing the best we can. We are not perfect and we know how much we can’t do this on our own. Be patient with us when we think we understand and we don’t. Respect us when you don’t agree with us but have to do what we say. Honor us when we ask you not to do something that you think you can handle. Receive us when we reach out to Love you and pray for us when you just can’t handle what we are putting you through :).

Jeremiah 29:12 says “Then you will come and pray to me and I will listen…” God will speak to us and to you if we are all seeking Him and truly listening to what He has to say to us.

I still don’t know how to get parents and teenagers to talk, like the title says… it’s the missing link. I can only pray that parents and teens alike can start to try and understand one another and take time to truly listen to what each is saying.

Teens, parents have lots and lots of wisdom to pass on to you. Parents, we have a lot to learn about today’s world that our teens are living in and give them a lot more credit for who they are than what we currently do. Teens, you need to trust us as parents that for the most part, we really do know what is best for you. Parents, we need to start listening before we get angry, correct, or discipline our kids. They are doing so much better than most kids who are not Christians. They are growing up and we need to loose control over them, not lose control over them. They are brighter, smarter, and wiser now and we need to give them the respect of listening to what they have to say as well.

Most importantly, we all need to be close to Christ, listening and seeking His wisdom and His will for all our lives. HE is the missing link that can bridge us together.

Deestroid from thu Inzide

Here is an excerpt from one of Pastor Greg Laurie’s daily devitionals:

“In his excellent book on the history of Rome, Caesar, and Christ, historian Will Durant observed, “A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has first destroyed itself from within.  The essential cause of Rome’s decline lay in her people and her morals.”

As the Roman Empire rose to greatness, it no doubt assumed that its power would last for centuries to come.  But even while its citizens were living in prosperity, the empire was crumbling from the inside.  You will find this true of any civilization that has ultimately collapsed or has been overcome by a foreign power.  It first fell apart on the inside.  The landscape of history is strewn with the remains of once-great nations that let moral decay from within bring them to ruin.”

 I feel that the same can happen in American homes today as we undergo moral decay on the inside.  I also believe

The only answer to this problem is spiritual.  And the only solution to the problem is that families turn back to God.  We need to pick up the Bible, which holds all the instructions and truths we need, and put the value back into God’s words that it deserves the respect of.

Fathers and Mothers, don’t exasperate your children.  The Bible is specific about this and I believe the reason is because we are supposed to preserve our relationship with our children in order to maintain a healthy and mutual respect as they rise up into adulthood.

Speaking of mutual, children, obey your mother and father.  God knew you wouldn’t know everything when you got here and so He put those 2 amazing people in charge of you to lead you, to guide you, and to pass on wisdom to you.  They are NOT trying to control your life, they are trying to bring quality to your life.  You don’t listen to them because they are ‘in control’; you listen because you trust that they know what is best for you.  You don’t disrespect them because you don’t like what they are saying; you respect them because they are in the place God put them.  You don’t treat them with dishonor; you honor them because they are your parents who have given their own desires up and now spend each and every day providing the living that you currently have. Remember, proms are NOT cheap!!!

Love each other with unconditional Love.  Believe the best in one another.  Care for each other.

Think about it this way.  If a thief came in  from the outside and broke into your home, wouldn’t you do everything in your power to defend your family?  To make sure noone got hurt?  Now look at yourself.  You are on the “inside”.  Are you doing everything to protect your family?  To make sure no one is getting hurt?  If not, why stop the thief?  He is just helping you to destroy your home…he is taking care of it from the outside, and you are taking care of destroying it on the inside.

Most importantly, stop treating strangers and friends with Love and kindness if you haven’t taken the time to give that Love and kindness to your family first. It’s like going shopping for a lot of clothes for your family but on the way home, you run into a few friends and hand them a few of the clothes.  Then you run into some acquaintances and you give them some of the clothes.  Then you run into a favorite teacher and you hand them some clothes.  Then you run into your church friends and you give them a lot of extra clothes. By the time you get home, you only have 1 pair of pants left and, of course, those are for YOU.  So what does your family get?  Nothing.  It was all given away before you ever got home.

No worries, they may feel neglected and hurt, but they will still Love you but the same can be said for Love and kindness.  You give it out all along the way throughout your day when, in reality, the bulk of it SHOULD have been saved or given to your family first.  They are the ones who are there for you every day and always will be! Stop destroying your home from the inside and start protecting it as if your life depended on it and as if God is going to confront you about it one day!!!!

Parentz n Kontrol

As a parent of four kids, the biggest reality check for me is this:  I don’t know everything!!!!   This isn’t so much a negative but a humble one.  I have a 7 year old boy, and 11, 15, and 16 year old girls.  It has been an amazing ride up until now.  However, the roller coaster has hit!!!

We have an amazing family and every day is another day of living together, learning together, growing together and Loving each other.  No one in THIS house has all the answers, but we are all working together to figure it out along the way.

I have worked with kids for many years assisting leaders in youth group, leading youth group, and participating in youth functions.  Many kids will open up and share their many struggles in life including school, work, and especially family.

Lately, family seems to be the re-curring problem that comes up over and over and over.   Here is one of the biggest issues:  Controlling parents.  Now, don’t get me wrong here, I realize that we, as parents, have authority over our children.  That is not the issue I have.  The problem is when we take our authority and we turn it into our CONTROL. 

I believe that ‘authority’ is God given and that we are to use it to guide and teach those under our authority.  ‘Control’ is when we are put in authority over someone and we use that position to make them conform to OUR will.

More than ever these days, teenagers need to be taught how to be responsible, applauded when they are successful, encouraged when they fail, and released when they are ready to move on in the direction they have chosen.  Unfortunately, the stories I have been hearing are in exact contrasts to this.  Some parents have done a tremendous job raising their kids, but now, at the age of 16 or 17, they are forcing them to rebel because they won’t release them to grow.

One kid I know is 17, respectful, kind, caring, Loves God, has a job, and is one of the most responsible teenagers I have ever met, but the parents cannot trust that what they have done is good enough.  They are pushing this kid further and further away every day.  Why?  Because they won’t give up the control they feel is rightfully theirs.  They have taken all of this kids free time away and used the following quote, “All your time is mine!”  This was said to a 17 year old who will be 18 in a matter of months!!!  Come on people!  They are taking a young person with a pure heart, and forcing that person to be resentful, unhappy, and longing to escape.  Rebellion is not far away and it could have all been avoided!

  I will never forget what one Pastor said:  ” We as parents need to ‘loose’ control, not ‘lose’ control over our teenagers”.  If only parents today would take hold of that and let them go as they need to.  There is no “magical” moment when suddenly they are an adult and NOW we can let go.  It is a gradual process and we need to let go as they grow.  They are becoming young adults sooner and sooner these days and when they are 15, we need to start letting the reigns go as is appropriate.  That gives them 3 years to practice becoming the young adult they are supposed to become and 3 years for us to be as good of an influence as we can be for them, NOT a hinderance to their growth!!!  Come on parents, stop preventing your children from becoming adults by controlling them.  No matter what you do, they will leave you eventually and the choices you make now will profoundly affect the your relationship with your child later when they are grown up and out of your home. 

Bottom line:  Stop confusing authority with control and God’s Will with your will