What Is Normal…?

Lately I have been feeling like I am not normal.  Like, my mind doesn’t work right.  I told my husband this and his response was simply “Meh, no one’s does”.  I thought that was the most profound thing I had heard in a long time!!  I even think he is right!  It brought me into more ‘mazeful’ thinking and I can’t even tell you the directions I have gone into this with.  

The psychological definition of normal is:  Approximately average in any trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment; free from any mental disorder; sane

As I read that, I realized:  “I don’t want to be THAT!!!”  Who would want to be normal if it means that you don’t stand apart from the crowd, that you blend in so much that no one sees you?!?!  It isn’t me and I am realizing that I’m okay with this.  The only drawback is that when you do stand out, you end up being a target sometimes.  I have been misquoted, misunderstood, and misjudged more times than I can count.  Why?  Because I stood out!  Because I had the courage to be different…to be ME.  

I realize now that, what I previously thought was discouragement, was really exhaustion.  I’m tired of feeling guilty for who I am.  I just want to be me and not have to deal with people’s hang ups with it.  I have found more security in being me in the last 7 years, but those same years have caused me a lot of heartache.  I am really a well-meaning, kind, thoughtful, and loving person.  Unfortunately, people funnel these traits into their own interpretations and take me completely the wrong way.

I’m not saying that I don’t care about people.  What I AM saying is that I am working on not taking your views of how you think people should act like or behave and applying them to who I am.  I am NOT who you want me to be because I’m not you.  I Love what my son has as his texting signature:  I AM ME…Awesome!  I am taking a huge lesson from my precious young son and proclaiming that from now on I will walk in HUMBLE CONFIDENCE and choose to say to the world and all of those around me that….I AM ME!!!  If you can accept that, welcome to my life.  If you can’t, enjoy the company of others because I am staying just the way I am with the exception of allowing my God to speak to me and change me if HE sees fit.  To Him I will gladly conform.  But only to HIM. 🙂

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