Archive for December, 2011

What Is Normal…?

Lately I have been feeling like I am not normal.  Like, my mind doesn’t work right.  I told my husband this and his response was simply “Meh, no one’s does”.  I thought that was the most profound thing I had heard in a long time!!  I even think he is right!  It brought me into more ‘mazeful’ thinking and I can’t even tell you the directions I have gone into this with.  

The psychological definition of normal is:  Approximately average in any trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment; free from any mental disorder; sane

As I read that, I realized:  “I don’t want to be THAT!!!”  Who would want to be normal if it means that you don’t stand apart from the crowd, that you blend in so much that no one sees you?!?!  It isn’t me and I am realizing that I’m okay with this.  The only drawback is that when you do stand out, you end up being a target sometimes.  I have been misquoted, misunderstood, and misjudged more times than I can count.  Why?  Because I stood out!  Because I had the courage to be different…to be ME.  

I realize now that, what I previously thought was discouragement, was really exhaustion.  I’m tired of feeling guilty for who I am.  I just want to be me and not have to deal with people’s hang ups with it.  I have found more security in being me in the last 7 years, but those same years have caused me a lot of heartache.  I am really a well-meaning, kind, thoughtful, and loving person.  Unfortunately, people funnel these traits into their own interpretations and take me completely the wrong way.

I’m not saying that I don’t care about people.  What I AM saying is that I am working on not taking your views of how you think people should act like or behave and applying them to who I am.  I am NOT who you want me to be because I’m not you.  I Love what my son has as his texting signature:  I AM ME…Awesome!  I am taking a huge lesson from my precious young son and proclaiming that from now on I will walk in HUMBLE CONFIDENCE and choose to say to the world and all of those around me that….I AM ME!!!  If you can accept that, welcome to my life.  If you can’t, enjoy the company of others because I am staying just the way I am with the exception of allowing my God to speak to me and change me if HE sees fit.  To Him I will gladly conform.  But only to HIM. 🙂

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For No One

The blogs I will be writing from here on in are for no one.  Not really.  If anyone happens to stumble upon them and it somehow touches them, then that will be a bonus.  Really, I just need somewhere to place these thousands of thoughts that race through the maze inside my head and my heart.  Everyday I struggle with things that I honestly think would blow peoples minds.  Those who know me would NEVER guess the things I struggle with.  Some things are good, some are awful, some are great, some are downright sad. But who can I talk to about these things?  No one.  Well….almost.  God.  God is The One I talk to incessantly.  But I end up keeping the things I wish I could leave at His throne.  I muddle through this maze with the same thoughts over and over and over.  So, I figured, why not find a place to put them so that I don’t have to keep them in my head.  Thus, this blog.  If you are a lighthearted person and don’t like to look into things very deeply, then these blogs are NOT for you.  Feel free to find more interesting surface topics that please you and know that I am in awe and envy of you and wish I was more like you :).  If you are a deep thinker, go ahead and read but I’m sure I will carry you in many directions you won’t want to go in.  Feel free to move on without offense.  That rules out about 99% of you :)…so as I stated in the beginning, this blog is pretty much for no one.  Just for me to get things out of my head and somewhere else.  Thank you for at least reading THIS one single blog and even if I saw you in cyberspace, I wouldn’t know it so chow baby and see you on the flip side!!!

Again-st thu Flo

Everyone around me is walking the other way

Seldom is it crowded in the direction I have chosen

    Some laugh when they walk past me

Others look with mockery and quicken their pace

  

A stand out in the midst of a growing, bitter crowd

More and more, the focus of their hurt and anger

 

At times my confidence is much like stone

Other moments find my resolve easily shaken

 

The knowledge of His sacrifice propels me forward

The weakness of my flesh slows me down

 

His forgiveness clearing the clutter in my heart

My sin challenging the purifying process

 

Whatever may come, I will continue on this unpopular path

No matter the obstacles, I will keep walking against the flow

 

For when I look behind to see who they are following…

No one is there

But when I look ahead at Who I am following…

It is He Who leads me forward

 

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