Fakt or Feeleeng

So I have a very strong and deep faith in Jesus.  I believe that He lived, He died, and He rose again.  I believe that we can live every day according to His will.  I Love Him with all of my heart and my life has been changed dramatically because of HIM.

I wish that I could keep my head and my heart focused on that fact because on days like this one, I am challenged to literally “walk in Faith”.

I came to my prayer time this morning and felt very discouraged from a tough weekend.  This is one of those times when the rubber met the road as far as ‘having’  faith, and ‘walking’ in faith.  I turned on my favorite song that has always drawn me closer to the Lord.  Today…it didn’t even penetrate my heart.  I tried so hard to “break through” the left over feelings of dealing with a challenging situation over the Easter weekend.

Speaking of Easter, even as I sat in Easter service yesterday, I was about as far on the outside as I could get.  Not intentionally, that is just the effect of dealing with intense situations or people, they take almost everything out of you.  If not for Jesus’ presence, there would have been nothing left of this girl. This is one of those “snapshots” in life that I can always look back on and remember the benefit of having a personal relationship with Jesus.

As I was driving down the road, a very disturbing thought occurred to me:  I don’t feel like God’s blessing is on me.  I feel empty and alone and I don’t even know how I’m going to get through this day.

You know, that thought was so strong that if I had not been very firm in my beliefs, I might very well have given into it that kind of thinking.  Fortunately, I do have a strong relationship, in spite of myself, with God.   The very next thought that ran through my mind was:  You may not “feel” God, but it doesn’t change the “fact” that He is still here.  I can’t even describe the sudden sense of peace that came over me at that point.  I may feel utterly frustrated, angry, hurt, and hopeless, but it doesn’t change God’s presence or Love.  He isn’t like our emotions, which can take us from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows.  He is called our “Rock” for a reason, He IS ALWAYS PRESENT!!!

So here’s the coolest part of my day.  I started out feeling angry with my daughter, frustrated with my husband, upset with myself for not always handling things right, and wondering how I was going to accomplish anything today as there was zero motivation in my soul.   I met with a friend, talked, prayed, came home and prayed more (all without ever having a breakthrough in my ‘feelings’), went to work (I happen to work with my husband 🙂 ), and just kept moving.  Now, my husband knows we are coming off a very stressful weekend and the tension is unusually strong between us.  He decides that we need to pray, then he closes up shop for lunch (which he has NEVER done before), takes me out to lunch and we just sit and talk about EVERYTHING.  By the time we left that restaurant, I felt closer to God than ever, my relationship with my husband was restored, God had helped me to forgive the person I was having issues with, put into place a realistic plan for dealing with that situation, and on top of it all, He gave me more peace, hope and joy than I could have ever mustered up on my own!!!  Now THAT is the power of walking in the facts of faith, not on the fragility of feelings!!!

So what did I learn from this?  That no matter how low, or how empty I felt, I turned to God anyway and He was able to do the work in me that He needed to.  I freed Him up to work in me when I chose to trust Him and turn to Him even when my feelings were in direct opposition.

Now, don’t get the wrong idea about me…I am not always THIS strong in my faith!!!  The reason I am even writing about this is because I am so stinking excited that I actually did what the Bible said to do and I was able to experience God moving in MY life!!!  I feel like I just graduated from 5th grade faith class to 6th grade!!!  Whoo hoo!!!  Finally!!!  I am so encouraged now to take every challenge this world throws at me and apply my faith to it.  This is what the Christian walk means to me, learning and hearing from God every day and growing at the pace God is pleased with.  Amazing how after 22 years of being a Christian, I still feel like a kid being taught by her Loving Father.  I guess that’s because in the spirit, I am continuously being taught and for that I am truly thankful!

Well, here’s me, signing out and not exactly looking forward to my next challenge, but ready to face it with a new measure of faith!!!


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